October 25, 2019

I think I may be ready to invite joy into my life. I crave levity, happiness, simple rays of sunshine. Opening myself up for such opportunities means increased vulnerability, which terrifies me right now. Car rides, people jostling me, steep hills, bright daylight, swinging doors, uneven pathways, even glances of passersby frighten me. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment, invite pain or sacrifice fragile stability — and truthfully, I envision the very worst case scenarios in every situation. Is it worth the risk? Can I handle the fallout? Will my body and mind suffer unnecessarily? Might I negate any minor progress? Nothing will be perfect or easy or complete, but I need a shift from this stagnancy, reprieve from the darkness and tidbits of joy. Because I am worthy and deserving of that in abundance — and perhaps this photograph just now is a sign of what’s being ushered in. ✨ Shabbat Shalom.